Do NOT read...

***READ THIS AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION, IF YOURE UPSET OR ANGRY AFTER READING THIS, DON'T SAY I NEVER WARN YOU***

**This is my space and I write what I want, if you're unhappy then please leave**

I have to be honest, I didn't want to blog about this post previously. I mean yea, at the point of time 1 month back, I was filled with anger and just wanted to vent my frustrations here, but I didn't cause I felt that it was a relieve that it was over and just wanted to move on. But last night, you just HAD to bring it all up again and back to me. Well it may always seem that I'm that bad person and I'm the one at fault, but hey so much for gender equality, I think I deserve my ranting space, and guys shouldn't always HAVE to be the magnanimous gentlemanly person that the society stereotypes, not to certain people at least! You can carry on your sob story of sorry antics, and have everyone pitying you; I don't give a damn. Not to say that I'm in no wrong either, but honestly I've heard a lot about you too that no one dares to bring to the surface for fear of more drama.


So the story goes: last night I was trying to rush through my project cause I was gonna have the presentation and submission the next morning, and well there were communication breakdowns and what not and I didn't get to even see the slides ( but this is honestly not the point in this whole post), so I went to tweet stuff as I was angry and worried and annoyed all at the same time.
For one of the tweet, I tweeted something like: "this is like a reminiscence of my previous project, where communication was obviously a problem"
Well well, not that being pissed was not bad enough, SOMEONE had to indirectly shoot me about it, and this is not her first time doing that.
From her, the exact words: "I see...so u never thought that u were in the wrong after all that had happened. I salute u dude."
Well firstly I was talking about my CURRENT PROJECT and not her, so she just by hook or by crook had to bring up something that we are all obviously not happy about. And in all honesty, if She had her conscience clear and all, she wouldn't have tweeted that.
Secondly, I REALLY WASN'T IN THE WRONG ENTIRELY SO STOP SELLING YOU SOB STORY TO EVERYONE TO MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE AN INNOCENT PARTY THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!
*FYI, I am not the only one that said this/thinks this way too.

So if you come to think about it, who was the ACTUAL one that wanted to start a series of tweet-war and shoot-backs? Huh?

And then she tweeted something like she has given up TRYING to make things right. Like TRYING?! Are you sure? You didn't even bother to put a "T" to trying.

If you're lost up till now, lemme bring you back to month ago so you'll FULLY understand what's going on. And for those of you who have heard HER side of the story, lemme now share MY SIDE of the story, DETAILED-ly recorded.

I was really excited to work with these bunch of gals at first, especially since I've not worked with one of them before, one that I'm always impressed by her work and presentation skills. Well so I was like an outsider trying to penetrate into a current clique, not much of a problem for me as long as we keep feelings aside. So my that "dear" mate of mine, lets call her Z, allocates us the work each of us had to research respectively. Seems fine so far and I didn't felt like she had any problems with me cause I've worked with her in previous projects.

So we were suppose to get our research done in by our first project meeting, note that it is "BY". And there I was sitting there, staring into space, laptop in front of me with my research all done up, only to see the rest starting to do their research there and then. I mean hey you gotta be fair, if you said to research by meeting, then do so, if you can't make it, then at least tell me right? So I don't have to rush through just to find out that nobody has it done yet. I know you all very close but can there at least be some communication with me? So basically the whole meeting I just sat there and stoned.

Ok so the first meeting, I can let it pass, second meeting, which she basically held it at a time for her own convenience only, we met up to discuss stuff that we were suppose to do during the first meeting. This was when I realize something was not right, whatever suggestions I had would just be shot down almost immediately, or you might seemingly agree at first but push it to the side later on. Body language also give off what is going through a person psychological. You with your back constantly facing me, and not looking at me whenever I was sharing something shows ALOT. I'm so glad there was mediator in the group, which I believed tried very hard to get things together, which I really applaud her. A total team player. Z on the other hand gives the "IDGAF to what you're talking about" face.

I got my message. Z didn't wanna really interact with me, which I only found out at the end of the project that it was due to a build up of previous projects, which she totally didn't tell me despite the group having confrontational talks on TWO separate occasions. She felt that I didn't contribute enough and all for previous projects and so just conveniently decides to give me a cold shoulder for the current project. I can't even begin to understand why someone would choose to tell you this at the end and just let matters snowball, and still expect things to miraculously turn out fine?

I was like a total outsider trying to permeate through, whenever there was any decisions, discussions and dateline, yes especially dateline, I would only know like the day before. HOW IN THE WORLD DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DELIVER OR TO APPEAR FOR MEETINGS IF YOU ONLY CHOOSE TO WANNA INFORM ME AT SUCH A LAST MINUTE?! Yes I accept that my work isn't the best that it could have been, but have you looked at yours? Copying and pasting is no way a grade higher. Being kiasu is also not to any advantage if you don't understand your basic requirements. Most of the time, the mediator had to play as the middleman between me and Z, passing messages across.
Discussions were always between them 3, and I would be the one trying my best to contribute, only to have people lashing at me that I was trying to enforce my idea. Lol joke? How to enforce when I didn't get to be part of a discussion to begin with?

You ask me why I choose not to come for every meeting after, have you seen the way you acted during meetings? For some reason you are always depressed about something, I don't care if its your boyfriend or what but don't bring your feelings in when we are doing work. You'll give the moody face as if everybody owes you something liddat, and the constant ignoring, and you still dare say that I'm very bossy when I communicate ideas across and wants to enforce people to use my idea? Please la I think you are stuck in yr 1? I don't deny that I was like that previously, but for THAT particular project I was really trying to tone down everything.

The thing is no one is absolutely right or wrong, and I am upset over how one project could have affected the rest that was going on concurrently. If you're still living in denial that Im wrong and showing no remorse then I have nothing to say. At least I know I'm trying to put in more effort into my current projects, I may still be a mean person, but believe me I'm really trying.

Yes I'm a horrible person, I'm blunt, bossy,slack, annoying, fat (lol does this matter? Haha) , evil, ungentlemanly, heartless, sacarstic, while you're an angel ok? That deserves all the sympathy.

Let this be the end and not the beginning of a whole other drama.

Boy, why is my life so full of drama?